For those of you who don’t get the reference (i.e., those of you from a higher social strata), “The Shade Tree Developer” (shade tree mechanic) moniker is an homage to what I like to think of as my “salt of the earth” roots — but what others might simply call “humble” and the sarcastic of you would call “redneck.” My father back home has discovered the internet and I’m getting bombarded with joke emails like it’s 1997. This one, however, deserved some replay:
I’m writing this slow because I know you can’t
read fast. We don’t live where we did when you left
home. Your dad read in the newspaper that most
accidents happen within 20 miles of your home, so we
moved. I won’t be able to send you the address because
the last Southwest Missouri family that
lived here took the house numbers when they moved so
they wouldn’t have to change their
This place is really nice.. It even
has a washing machine. I’m not sure about it. I put a
load of clothes in and pulled the chain. We haven’t
seen them since.
The weather isn’t bad here.
It only rained twice last week; the first time for
three days and the second time for four
About that coat you wanted me to send;
your Uncle Billy Bob said it would be too heavy to
send in the mail with the buttons on, so we cut them
off and put them in the pockets.
his keys in the car yesterday. We were really worried
because it took him two hours to get me and your
Your sister had a baby this
morning, but I haven’t found out what it is yet so I
don’t know if you are an aunt or uncle.
Uncle Bobby Ray fell into
a whiskey vat last week. Some men tried to pull him
out but he fought them off and drowned. We had him
cremated, he burned for three days.
your friends went off a bridge in a pickup truck.
Butch was driving. He rolled down the window and swam
to safety. Your other two friends were in the back.
They drowned because they couldn’t get the tailgate
There isn’t much more news at this
time. Nothing much out of the normal has
Your Favorite Aunt,